For years, society has told us a story: if we work hard enough, stay disciplined, and sharpen our talents, the system will reward us. This belief in meritocracy—that effort and ability alone determine success—is one of the most seductive myths of our time.
Yet, in my coaching practice, I encounter story after story that reveals how far from reality this narrative truly is. Privilege, systemic bias, and invisible power structures often shape careers far more than talent or determination ever could. And the psychological toll of believing otherwise can be devastating.
The Illusion of a Fair Game
Meritocracy assumes that the world is a level playing field. But the stories clients share with me paint a different picture. I recall working with a young professional who carried immense potential but came from a background where resources were scarce. He juggled supporting his family while completing his studies, yet when competing for opportunities, he was dismissed for not having the “polish” of peers who had studied abroad. The judgment was not about his ability—it was about how closely he matched a pre-set ideal.
Another client once told me how promotions seemed to fall into the laps of colleagues whose surnames, accents, or networks aligned neatly with those in positions of power. She worked harder, produced better results, and yet was told she “wasn’t ready.” These experiences are not exceptions; they are patterns that challenge the very foundation of meritocracy.
Privilege as the Silent Advantage
Privilege is not always visible, but its effects are undeniable. It is the parent who can afford to fund elite education, the mentor who makes a timely introduction, the safety net that allows one to take risks without fear of collapse. In conversations with executives, I often hear claims like, “I earned everything I have.” And yet, when we explore their journeys, it becomes clear that they also benefited from stability, networks, and opportunities that others could only dream of.
What strikes me most in these reflections is not arrogance, but blindness. Many people genuinely believe they succeeded solely because of their effort. But privilege is the silent hand that shapes trajectories before effort even enters the picture. And those without it often find themselves running uphill while being told the race is fair.
The Invisible Machinery of Bias
Bias is another force that undermines meritocracy. It rarely appears in overt forms but shows up in subtle, corrosive ways. In my coaching sessions, women often describe being labelled “too emotional” for leadership roles, while men with identical behaviours are praised as “passionate.” Professionals from minority backgrounds talk about being judged as “lacking fit,” even when their results speak louder than anyone’s. Older workers are dismissed as “outdated,” while younger ones are told they are “too green.”
These biases don’t just block progress—they erode confidence. When people internalise rejection as evidence of their inadequacy, they carry unnecessary shame. They begin to wonder if they are inherently flawed, when in reality, they are contending with systemic prejudice masquerading as fair assessment.
The Psychological Toll of Believing the Lie
Perhaps the most heartbreaking stories I hear are not about external injustice, but about the internal wounds inflicted by the myth of meritocracy. Clients come to me exhausted, convinced they are failing despite giving everything. They believe the system is fair, and therefore, the only explanation for their stagnation must be their own inadequacy. The shame, self-blame, and relentless drive to over-perform become psychological weights that no amount of effort can lift.
I remember a senior leader, successful by every conventional measure, breaking down as he confessed that he felt like an imposter. Despite his achievements, he believed he was never “good enough.” He had internalised the idea that others succeeded purely on merit, while his own struggles were personal weaknesses. The truth was that he had faced bias at every stage, but the lie of meritocracy had convinced him the fault lay within.
Moving Beyond the Myth
As a coach, I see my role not in dismantling people’s hope, but in reframing it. Effort and talent do matter, but they do not exist in a vacuum. Recognising privilege and bias is not about denying individual achievements—it is about contextualising them. It is about helping people understand that their worth is not defined by whether the system rewards them, but by the resilience, creativity, and integrity with which they navigate an uneven field.
The first step is honesty. We must name the ways privilege tilts the scales, and we must design systems—whether in workplaces, schools, or communities—that correct for inequality rather than ignore it. When leaders acknowledge the advantages they had, they create space to uplift those who were excluded. When organisations confront bias, they begin to foster environments where genuine merit can emerge.
Towards a Different Future
The stories I hear convince me of one thing: people are not broken. The system is. And the more we perpetuate the myth of meritocracy, the more we harm those who already face disadvantage. By telling the truth, however uncomfortable, we can begin to build a culture where success is not pre-determined by birth, privilege, or bias, but shaped by authentic talent and contribution.
Meritocracy may be a lie, but fairness does not have to be. It is something we can work towards—through awareness, advocacy, and structural change. And perhaps the most important step is to stop blaming ourselves, or others, for what is not the fault of individual failure but of collective blindness.
When I listen to my clients’ stories, I do not hear weakness. I hear strength against odds that should not exist. And I believe that acknowledging these odds is the first act of true justice.
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