In my years as a Life & Executive Coach, I’ve come across numerous tools and models to understand human behaviour. Yet, one framework that continues to stand out for its simplicity, depth, and practicality is Transactional Analysis (TA). It’s more than just a psychological theory; it’s a lens through which we can observe, interpret, and transform our communication and relationships.
I’ll soon be delivering a workshop on TA, and each time I prepare for such a session, I’m reminded of the many personal and professional situations where this approach has helped me and my clients navigate conflicts, improve teamwork, and enhance self-awareness.
What Is Transactional Analysis?
Transactional Analysis, developed by Dr Eric Berne in the 1950s, is a psychological framework that examines how people interact — or “transact” — with one another. At its heart, TA suggests that we operate from three distinct ego states:
- Parent – The set of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours we learn from authority figures (nurturing or critical).
- Adult – The rational, here-and-now problem-solving state.
- Child – The emotions, creativity, and behaviours rooted in our early experiences.
According to TA, every conversation we have — whether with a colleague, a partner, or even ourselves — involves a transaction between these ego states. Understanding which state we’re operating from can dramatically change the outcome of our interactions.
Why TA Matters in Everyday Life
Let’s be honest — communication breakdowns happen all the time. I remember a corporate coaching client, a team leader, who was frustrated because her team “just didn’t listen.” During our sessions, we analysed her language patterns and discovered she often communicated from a Critical Parent state, using commands and judgemental phrases. Her team responded from a Rebellious Child state — resisting instructions, even when they were reasonable.
By shifting her approach to the Adult state — asking questions, focusing on facts, and avoiding loaded emotional cues — the dynamic transformed. Within weeks, productivity and team morale improved.
This is the beauty of TA: it gives us a clear, practical map to navigate interpersonal challenges.
The Three Ego States in Detail
1. Parent State
The Parent ego state is like an internalised voice of authority. It can be:
- Nurturing Parent – Compassionate, supportive, and protective. For example: “I understand this is tough, but you’re doing really well.”
- Critical Parent – Judgmental, directive, and rule-enforcing. For example: “You should have done it this way.”
This state isn’t inherently good or bad — it’s about recognising when it’s helpful and when it might shut down open communication.
2. Adult State
The Adult ego state is our rational, data-driven self. It assesses the situation objectively and makes balanced decisions. It might sound like: “Let’s review the facts and decide on the next step.”
The Adult state is the one we aim to strengthen in professional communication because it promotes clarity and mutual respect.
3. Child State
The Child ego state reflects our inner emotions, needs, and creativity. It can be:
- Free Child – Playful, spontaneous, and imaginative.
- Adapted Child – Compliant or rebellious, often reacting to parental authority.
In my own coaching work, I’ve seen leaders who embrace their Free Child side inject creativity and inspiration into their teams, while those stuck in a Rebellious Child mode often clash with authority and rules.
Transactions: How We Communicate
TA categorises interactions into three types of transactions:
- Complementary Transactions – Both parties respond from expected ego states, leading to smooth communication.
Example: Adult to Adult – “What’s the deadline?” → “It’s due on Friday.” - Crossed Transactions – The response comes from an unexpected ego state, creating conflict or confusion.
Example: Adult to Adult – “What’s the deadline?” → “Why are you always on my back?” (Child to Parent). - Ulterior Transactions – Hidden or double-layered messages with underlying motives. These can be playful or manipulative, depending on the intent.
Recognising these patterns helps us redirect conversations towards more productive exchanges.
TA in Action: An Anecdote from My Coaching Practice
A few years ago, I was working with a client who constantly found himself in arguments with his teenage daughter. His approach was classic Critical Parent, while she responded from Rebellious Child. The cycle was predictable: he would lecture, she would push back, voices would rise, and neither would feel heard.
Through TA, he learned to engage his Adult state and invite his daughter into hers. Instead of “You never listen to me!”, he began saying, “I’m concerned about your safety when you stay out late. Can we discuss how to address that?” The shift in tone encouraged more open and constructive conversations.
This principle works just as well in boardrooms as it does at kitchen tables.
The Four Life Positions
TA also explores the Life Positions — deep-seated beliefs about ourselves and others that shape how we interact:
- I’m OK, You’re OK – Healthy, balanced relationships.
- I’m OK, You’re Not OK – Often leads to superiority and criticism.
- I’m Not OK, You’re OK – Can foster dependency or low self-esteem.
- I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK – Associated with hopelessness and disengagement.
One of the aims of TA is to move individuals and teams towards the I’m OK, You’re OK position — a place of mutual respect and empowerment.
Preparing for My Upcoming TA Workshop
In my upcoming workshop on Transactional Analysis, I’ll be guiding participants through:
- Identifying their dominant ego states.
- Practising shifting into the Adult state for better decision-making.
- Recognising and transforming unhelpful transactions.
- Moving towards the healthiest life position.
We’ll be working with real-life roleplays, reflective exercises, and practical communication strategies. Whether you’re a business leader, educator, or someone seeking personal growth, TA has something to offer you.
Why TA Is Still Relevant Today
In an age where emails, messages, and virtual meetings dominate our interactions, miscommunication is almost inevitable. TA offers a timeless, adaptable framework to cut through noise and connect meaningfully. It teaches us that by adjusting how we speak — and from which ego state — we can profoundly influence what is heard.
In my own life, I’ve used TA not only in professional contexts but also in moments of personal tension. Whether negotiating a contract, coaching an executive, or smoothing over a family disagreement, TA gives me the clarity to step back, assess, and choose the most constructive response.
Final Thoughts
Transactional Analysis isn’t about labelling people — it’s about recognising patterns and creating healthier exchanges. Once you start noticing ego states in action, you can shift conversations from confrontation to collaboration.
If you’re curious about how TA can transform your communication, join me at my upcoming workshop. Together, we’ll explore the subtle yet powerful ways this framework can reshape your relationships, your leadership style, and even your self-talk.
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